A flight update, almost a year later

Almost a year after Flight PKT 2011 took off, where the flight is today can easily be seen as a letdown.

After all, if all had gone according to my original flight plan, I would already be on my fourth month at Berklee. My days of P&G marketing would already be a fond memory; I would already have taken my first classes in music theory and production; my blog would already have stories of my adventures as a music student in Boston; my Facebook page would already be full of photos of new musician friends from all over the world; and I would be having my first white Christmas.

The thing is, Destiny wasn’t as straightforward as I expected it to be when all this started. From the “following my dreams” fanfare in the early part of this year, in more recent months I’ve swung between “going” to “kinda going” to “not going” to “I have no idea”—so much so that most of my friends ask me, ano ba talaga?; and I myself have lost track of what I’ve told each of them.

But what do you expect? I was accepted into the semester after the one I’d planned, and received no scholarship either—both of which made me doubt my musical ability, and rethink my willingness to enter into a lifetime, professional-level commitment to music. Adding to the urge to turn my back on Berklee was a series of lukewarm dates (which, luckily for me in retrospect, all eventually went bad); and the piece de resistance, a truly mouthwatering career plan, crafted just for me. For a time, everything added up to a resolute pronouncement that I was no longer going to leave.

Thankfully, signs continued to come, and as much as I tried to resist at first, I fortunately continued to listen.

My Berklee idol GP didn’t mince words as he chided me, “Getting no scholarship is just making you retreat to a place of comfort and compromise.”

Inay and Tatay were extremely patient as I shifted between “going” and “not going”, and were unbelievably supportive as they assured me that throughout my decision-making, money should never ever be an issue.

An unprompted visit to the Berklee website made me realize that options for studying at Berklee for less than two years (as I had originally planned) existed.

An image formed in my mind of an older self, successful after a decade-long marketing career, but forever wrestling with the regret of foregoing a chance to experience Berklee.

And Gloria, my ex-boss and dear friend who somehow always has the right thing to say, wrote from across the globe: “In life, people usually regret what they didn’t do more than they ever regret anything they did. You don’t have to go for an all black or all white approach; get your feet in the water, see how it feels and then play it by ear. You can always go back and get a job, whether with P&G or with another company; at the very least, you will have had a great life experience. And at the very best, you will have found your life’s true calling, whatever that may be.”

So, for everyone who’s been asking ano ba talaga?, I think it’s clear which side won out. Yes, I’m definitely going. I've closed a deal with a buyer for my condo and move back in with my parents by mid-January; I spend the next few months working on my student visa; I leave P&G at the end of April; I fly out around the third week of May; I attend new student orientation on May 22; and I start school May 29. But rather than dive headlong into a radical career shift, I will first attend Berklee for a year—immersing myself and making the most of the experience—and then see where everything goes from there. After a year, if I decide I love the field enough and see enough of a future in it to go professional, then I finish the two-year course I originally wanted and go on to full-fledged musicianship. But if I realize its role in my life is really just a passion on the side—but a burning passion nonetheless—then I come home, pick up my where I left off in my career, and continue to make music, but a much better musician after the year I spent at Berklee. Yes, what happens after a year is a mystery; for now, all I know is that is rare opportunity I just have to experience. And as controlling as I am, the thought of a future so ambiguous, so open to possibility, is giving me a huge, crazy thrill.

Do I have any regrets about the detour Flight PKT 2011’s took this past year? Not in the least. If things had gone according to my original plan, I would have missed the launch of Hangad’s eighth and best album, and Hangad’s Singapore concert. I would have missed the local, regional, and global recognitions my team at work has received, including the opportunity to fly to Mumbai to share some of this work with the rest of the world. I would not have been able to start building a new relationship with someone I’ve admired and loved for years (and who, in answer to people’s questions about what will happen to this budding romance, will also be studying abroad around the same time as me). I would have missed this one last Christmas with Hangad, P&G friends, and family. I’d have forgone my own improvements as a musician these past months, as I’ve started to gear up more seriously for an intense year at Berklee. And with all the signs I’ve been lucky enough to read, I approach this milestone now with more wisdom and pragmatism—but with no less (and maybe even more) wonder, optimism, and excitement.

So then, Flight PKT 2011 wasn’t a letdown after all, having turned out to an internal, introspective journey rather than a physical one. What pride, in fact, when Sr Bubbles told me after I related this whole story at Hangad’s advent retreat last November: “You really know how to discern. I’m so proud of you.”

Time to see if I can change this blog’s title. Please return to your seats, we will be taking off momentarily.